Let’s be real: dating today feels different. Maybe you’ve been out of the game for a while, or perhaps you’ve been actively avoiding the whole online dating scene. If so, you’re not alone! Online Dating Phobia (or hesitancy) is incredibly common, and we see it in our clients all the time.

The truth is, no one really taught you how to navigate this brave new world. Your happily married friends probably aren’t much help, and it truly is a whole new landscape. But don’t worry, that’s where we come in! While we can’t share everything we do with our clients, we’re here to give you some crucial do’s and don’ts to help you succeed.

Your Online Dating Profile: Think of it Like a Business

Imagine pouring your heart and soul into a brand-new business, only to completely mess up the marketing. If you’re one of our many executive or business-minded listeners and clients, you know exactly what happens next: no leads, no sales, no business. Your amazing enterprise goes nowhere.

Online dating is no different. Your profile is your marketing, and if it’s not working, you’re missing out on incredible opportunities.

Our Philosophy: Online Dating Isn’t Dating

Here’s a crucial mindset shift: Online dating isn’t actually “dating.” You absolutely should not be dating online. Think of it more as online “find and select.” It’s a powerful tool for setting up real-life meetups, not for getting to know someone in depth. You can’t learn as much as you think from just pictures and profiles. That said, we still want to make sure your online presence is top-notch!

Perfecting Your Pictures: Your Digital “Curb Appeal”

Your photos are your first impression, like the curb appeal of a house. Sadly, some guys won’t even bother to read your profile; everyone looks at pictures.

• High Quality Only: No pixelated, grainy, or out-of-focus shots. Professional-level photos make a huge difference.

• Authentic Smile: Ditch the pageant smile. Aim for a warm, genuine smile—like you just heard the best joke or an endearing story.

• Wardrobe Mix-Up: Show variety! Include a couple of glamorous shots and a couple of dressed-down (but still put-together) looks.

• No Group Shots: Don’t make him guess which one is you.

• No Sunglasses or Big Hats: He needs to see your whole face!

• Current You: No super old pictures. Authenticity matters; you want to look like you, now, not 10 years ago. No surprises!

• Personality Pics: Give context! Show aspects of who you are and what your life is like. If you travel, include a picture from an exotic location.

• Aim for Beautiful, Not Sexy: Captivate him, don’t just go for sultry or sensuous.

• Call in the Pros: A professional photoshoot can be incredibly fun and yield amazing results. Get some headshots for work, and then some fun, profile-worthy shots. Regardless, always get outside opinions on your best photos from a trusted friend, family member, or even a professional coach (like us!).

Crafting a Captivating Profile: Attract the Right, Deter the Rest

Captivating men online is different from captivating them offline. It’s about strategic attraction.

• Don’t Try to Attract EVERYONE: This is key! You want to scare some guys off—specifically, the ones who aren’t compatible with you (think politics, religion, life goals) or those looking for something completely different (like a hookup). When guys “next” themselves, it makes your dating journey far more efficient.

• Avoid the Generic Profile: “I love to travel,” or “You can find me soaking up the sun and sand…” These phrases could describe anyone. Your profile needs to scream “YOUR Unique Identity.” It should be something that only describes you, making a guy think, “I have to meet her.”

  • Embrace Your Quirkiness: Don’t hide your weird, interesting, or idiosyncratic qualities. They make you unique!

  • Highlight Contradictory Characteristics: Share the parts of you that don’t seem to fit together. Everyone loves unique and special qualities. You don’t have to be the absolute “best” in one area (like the top 1% hotness). Combinations make the queen!

    • Think: “CIA agent by day, model by night.”

    • Or: “School teacher who runs 5Ks, strong in faith but definitely sassy and sarcastic.”

    • Perhaps: “Writes poetry and goes to the shooting range.”

• “My friends would say I’m ___”: This is social proof! If others like you, you must be pretty great.

• A Little Less ME, a Little More WE: Most profiles focus on “who I am” and “what I want.” Recent research on Match and Coffee Meets Bagel showed that while most people want a partner who listens and supports them, very few actually state that they can fulfill those roles!

  • Make it clear you’re a great partner: Profiles that expressed a desire to listen, get to know, and support their partner were significantly more attractive.

  • Examples:

    • “I genuinely enjoy learning what makes someone tick…what excites you, what you care about, and how you see the world.”

    • “I want to build something real with someone who also values being known and seen, because I’m ready to give that too.”

  • These qualities show you’ll be a fantastic part of a couple, not just a great individual. Dynamics matter!